14 ounces, 14 years later.

This past weekend, we celebrated Hope's 14th Birthday. Which inspired many of us to think back to that time 14 years ago, when our lives hung in the balance, in the hands of medical personnel and definitely in the hands of God. Her birth wasn't that which mothers dream of, the joyous occasion marked by readiness, and great celebration. Yet, what the day became was definitely the launching of our family and friends on an epic voyage of faith, perseverance, and hope.

I decided to write this post not to perpetuate the struggle, to languish in the pain, but to celebrate the journey, to the lessons learned, insights gained, connections made and community experienced.

Born the day before Thanksgiving, but not due until mid March. Hope weighed a mere 14 ounces at her lightest, yet now bounds off the school bus with vibrancy and an infectious smile. I often think, "How did we get here from 14 ounces?" She has in fact....come a long way baby!

In that journey, we have grown, learned a lot and were blessed to have encountered a number of really incredible people, without whom, we could have never made it through intact.

I would like to take the time to reflect back on the journey thus far, and lessons learned, sharing our journey in hopes of easing the path that lies ahead of you or the struggles you have or find yourself facing, whatever that might be.

Using her name to explore lessons learned, join me on this journey of H.O.P.E.

H: Have faith.

Regardless of your religious affiliation, we all need to have faith. For me, I vividly recall lying in bed following Hope's birth, moonlight streaming through the window, and it was in that moment, that I surrendered her to God. Acknowledged that I was not in control, that I would hold on for the roller coaster ride I was about to endure, but that the outcome was not in my hands.

We have the illusion that we are in control of parts of our world, there are so many that we really have no control over. That is where the fine line lies. Imagine hands, in your left are all the things you "cannot control" and in your right the "can control" aspects in our worlds. Now you can spend your day obsessing over those left-hand things; birth, death, weather and......other people. Or focus your attention on your right hand. What does that hold? Well, considerably less. In fact, the only thing in that hand, is yourself; your feelings and your actions. That is where faith comes in.

Faith is a necessity in life. A faith in a higher power (God), faith in a partner, faith in medical professionals, even faith in our faith. Each day we have faith that our alarm clock will go off, that our car will still be in the driveway, that our appointments will show up, that our world will still be spinning. But, the truth is that we really don't have control over any of those things. What we can control is our action; setting the alarm, locking our car, showing up for our appointments and facing each day as best we can, but knowing that total control is just an illusion.

So, when you feel stressed, encounter an obstacle, or feel that your world is spinning out of control. Take your right hand (what you can control) and place it over your heart. If it is still beating, you are still in control of one thing, so address that which you can control, your actions, and move forward with the faith that you will not be given more than you can handle. Even if you currently are underestimating yourself.

O: Open to Possibilities.

When faced with an obstacle and you can't possibly see any good in it, be open to the possibilities that the situation may hold in a silver lining. Yes, I know it is difficult to see in the midst of crisis, but if you really look, often times and maybe not until it has passed, you can find good in something. When I look back to our journey of Hope, there were so many good things that came from it; meeting great people, medical knowledge, connection with other parents, and one connection that would change the landscape of our family forever. 

While at the hospital one day, I was joking with one of the nurses that I was going to design and post an "Aunt Wanted" sign in Hope's isolette. That the NICU seemed to be an environment rich in young single women that might be well suited for my younger brother. She laughed, and then looked at me and indicated that there was in fact, a very nice girl who worked nights. And what followed was a relationship, literally born of the NICU, facilitated by Hope, and it has brought me a wonderful Sister-in-law, nephew and niece.

So, while I hadn't really set out to find a sister-in-law, and had only mentioned him in jest, we, and they were open to the possibilities of good things coming from a less than ideal situation. Sometimes the possibility is just that of learning we are not in control, or that we are in fact, stronger that we thought.

P: Patience is a virtue.

I think this is probably the most difficult lesson, because we have become so impatient in all aspects of our lives. We live in a world of fast food, instant communication, 24/7 news, and television on demand. So when something enters our life that cannot be rushed, it is hard to slow down. Patience isn't easy.

With Hope's birth, we knew we were in for a long haul. In fact, it was almost exactly one month from her birth that we were first able to hold her. Even touching her was something that we couldn't do at will. I won't lie, those were some of the longest days of my life, sitting at her isolette, staring at her, dreaming of a day that I could hold her. My arms literally aching with anticipation, with nothing to do but wait, and wait, and wait. 

In hindsight, it was time that I needed, time to settle my mind. So caught up in the "shoulds" of life, trying to have and be everything, I was burning the candle at both ends. And this was a sure fire way to readjust my priorities for how I was spending the time I had been given. A crisis has a way of sifting through what is really important in life.

E: Expect Miracles.

You can either go through life expecting miracles or trying to deny them. When Hope was born, her sheer survival was a long shot. Being the vibrant young woman she is today, surely just a dream. But, I have always been a fan of dreaming, expecting big things and wishing on falling stars.

We were once told by a doctor that she would never run and play like that other kids. And we often joke about that comment as she has excelled beyond all expectations. Entirely justified in trying to brace us for the definite posibilites, we chose not to believe in that vision of her future. We didn't know what her future would hold, but weren't going to throw up our hands in defeat.

Was there something special that we did, no. Beyond taking care of her the best way we knew how, praying and believing in miracles, relying on faith and moving forward.

Who were we to expect a miracle, what had we done that was worthy of such a thing. Nothing. And that is the beauty of miracles, they happen beyond all logic and explanation. And those privileged enough to be touched by a miracle will be forever changed by it.

So, wish upon that falling star, dream the impossible dream, and hope beyond hope. You never know when you will be blessed by a miracle. And don't forget to say "thank you" when you get it.